Clancy: GPC computers, this is Greg, how can i help you?
Guy: Is my wife around?
Clancy: Uhh, i dont know, who is your wife?
Guy: Are you the guy with the tie?
Clancy: ... no... are you thinking [Teh King]? He wears ties sometimes.
Guy: Naw, the guy who works up front.
Clancy: [Tech-no]?
Guy: Yeah, [Tech-no], is [Tech-no] around?
Clancy: Yeahhhhh... ill get him for you...
Friday, June 26, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Beakers incidental pun
Beaker: [walks over revving the drill gun, looking around for something]
Clancy: Need something?
Beaker: [still looking, starts to walk away then sees the little case of heads for the drill]
Clancy: oh yeah, that could be important *haha*
Breaker: Just a little bit.
hahahaha.... tool pun
Clancy: Need something?
Beaker: [still looking, starts to walk away then sees the little case of heads for the drill]
Clancy: oh yeah, that could be important *haha*
Breaker: Just a little bit.
hahahaha.... tool pun
A mouse is worth a thousand frustrations
This must be the time of turmoil and strife for the mouse world. This month my friend Bob and I both lost our very dear friends and companions... our computer mouses [meese?]. I have had mine for, oh, 10 years maybe. It was the perfect microsoft USB intellimouse, remember this guy?
Yeah i loved that little bugger. Anyway both had died, and we were very upset about it.
Today a woman comes in, which she had been here before for service, and is very alarmist. She had been in for a bad harddrive, which according to her was the second one in just a few months. I told her HDDs are very random, sometimes lasting for years other times dying in a few months. She always flipped out when she came in about this or that, wide eyed, fast talking, and with crazy hand gestures.
So today she was wondering why her mouse didnt work. All she had was the mouse, a HP standard ps/2 ball mouse. It looked pretty cheep, and i figured it probably had died on her. I tried plugging it in to the check-in system to see if it would go. Nope, no luck. I thought, maybe id try my system. Plugged it in... BAM. My system shuts down. I was suprised, however i didnt have a i/o shield [a little metal cover] on the back of the computer, so i thought maybe i had just touched something and shorted it. I had a customers computer up, so i tried plugging it in that. The mouse auctually prevented the monitor from displaying. When i unplugged it, it turned on again... very strange.
I decided to cut my losses and informed her that it was "a dangerous mouse", and got her set up with a new MS intellimouse. I told her about mine and how great it was. I can only hope the spirit of him is with her now.
Yeah i loved that little bugger. Anyway both had died, and we were very upset about it.
Today a woman comes in, which she had been here before for service, and is very alarmist. She had been in for a bad harddrive, which according to her was the second one in just a few months. I told her HDDs are very random, sometimes lasting for years other times dying in a few months. She always flipped out when she came in about this or that, wide eyed, fast talking, and with crazy hand gestures.
So today she was wondering why her mouse didnt work. All she had was the mouse, a HP standard ps/2 ball mouse. It looked pretty cheep, and i figured it probably had died on her. I tried plugging it in to the check-in system to see if it would go. Nope, no luck. I thought, maybe id try my system. Plugged it in... BAM. My system shuts down. I was suprised, however i didnt have a i/o shield [a little metal cover] on the back of the computer, so i thought maybe i had just touched something and shorted it. I had a customers computer up, so i tried plugging it in that. The mouse auctually prevented the monitor from displaying. When i unplugged it, it turned on again... very strange.
I decided to cut my losses and informed her that it was "a dangerous mouse", and got her set up with a new MS intellimouse. I told her about mine and how great it was. I can only hope the spirit of him is with her now.
In memory of MS intellimouse item number 52195, you will be missed
It happens a lot, akshully
As most people know, windows needs a reload every so often. Some problems are just not worth the time to figure out, are inexplicable, or are unfixable. It would cost way to much time to find the solution, so we often recommend a package 1 or 2. This is just a reload of windows, with or without data backup. We simply copy the contents of your harddrive over to our backup drives, reinstall a blank windows, and put all the data back in a folder on your desktop. Its just the simplist way. We dont know what a customer will want or how they want it setup.
Its kind of suprising how alarmed people become when, after repeated warnings of what to expect, all they see when they boot up is a few desktop items and the defualt windows background. They immedietly panic, forgetting even basic computer knowledge that they already know, and call us before they even take a breath.
This case happens almost hourly. The following is basically the same for every customer over the age of 30, and in rare cases stupid young people (usually bitchy women).
Customer: This is [mrs. angrypants]. I picked up my computer yesterday, everything is gone! Theres nothing here!
Clancy: [knowing immedietly it was a pkg2, probably done by Beaker, who you will hear about later] Oh well, what it sounds like is a package 2 [explaining the process]. Is there a folder on the desktop that says 'backup' or 'old files' or something like that?
Angrypants: No! everything is gone!
Clancy: Oh well, its not booting up? or... i mean you can load windows right?
Angrypants: yes, but its all gone!
Clancy: ok well hold on, let me take a look at the notes [checks, of course its a Beaker pkg2]. Ok mam, i checked the notes from the tech. On your desktop you should have a folder that says 'old files', is that there?
Angrypants: wait... oh yes, there is. Where are my pictures and other things?!
Clancy: [calm the fuck down mam] Ok click [username] then my documents, and there is all your files.
Angrypants: where are my emails?
Clancy: [forgetting where its stored] ok give me just a second... [i go to do windows search... only to find that windows search 4.0 is installed, which if you dont know, is absolutely useless. it refused to search for any file]. Mam i cant seem to locate them right now, ill have the tech call you back when he gets in and direct you to them.
Angrypants: *heavy sigh* ok fine *click* *dial tone*
Its kind of suprising how alarmed people become when, after repeated warnings of what to expect, all they see when they boot up is a few desktop items and the defualt windows background. They immedietly panic, forgetting even basic computer knowledge that they already know, and call us before they even take a breath.
This case happens almost hourly. The following is basically the same for every customer over the age of 30, and in rare cases stupid young people (usually bitchy women).
Customer: This is [mrs. angrypants]. I picked up my computer yesterday, everything is gone! Theres nothing here!
Clancy: [knowing immedietly it was a pkg2, probably done by Beaker, who you will hear about later] Oh well, what it sounds like is a package 2 [explaining the process]. Is there a folder on the desktop that says 'backup' or 'old files' or something like that?
Angrypants: No! everything is gone!
Clancy: Oh well, its not booting up? or... i mean you can load windows right?
Angrypants: yes, but its all gone!
Clancy: ok well hold on, let me take a look at the notes [checks, of course its a Beaker pkg2]. Ok mam, i checked the notes from the tech. On your desktop you should have a folder that says 'old files', is that there?
Angrypants: wait... oh yes, there is. Where are my pictures and other things?!
Clancy: [calm the fuck down mam] Ok click [username] then my documents, and there is all your files.
Angrypants: where are my emails?
Clancy: [forgetting where its stored] ok give me just a second... [i go to do windows search... only to find that windows search 4.0 is installed, which if you dont know, is absolutely useless. it refused to search for any file]. Mam i cant seem to locate them right now, ill have the tech call you back when he gets in and direct you to them.
Angrypants: *heavy sigh* ok fine *click* *dial tone*
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Baby Talk
11/20/09 4:10pm
i called a customer about her laptop. it turned out she had about 77 viruses on her system. unfortunately, once removed, windows was unable to start because of the rampant infection. i let her know that a package 1 or 2 would be needed (meaning a reload of windows with or without data backup).
Me: "so it looks like well just need to reload windows, did you have data you want to backup?"
Customer: "does the flash drive work? that has all my data"
Me: "yup sure does"
Customer: "ok go ahead then. thanks a lot! bye bye!"
Me: "ok have a good da.... oh wait, what was that?"
Customer: "just thanks, bye bye!"
Me: "..."
i called a customer about her laptop. it turned out she had about 77 viruses on her system. unfortunately, once removed, windows was unable to start because of the rampant infection. i let her know that a package 1 or 2 would be needed (meaning a reload of windows with or without data backup).
Me: "so it looks like well just need to reload windows, did you have data you want to backup?"
Customer: "does the flash drive work? that has all my data"
Me: "yup sure does"
Customer: "ok go ahead then. thanks a lot! bye bye!"
Me: "ok have a good da.... oh wait, what was that?"
Customer: "just thanks, bye bye!"
Me: "..."
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Introduction and Explanation of version
so, first of all hi, second of all everyone is wondering why my name is sparks version 4.0, well to explain that i need to give some history. Sparks v1.0 was a cute little device that i used for tech stuff. He sadly fried himself royally and we were forced to bury him. When we replaced him i earned Sparks v2.0 who lasted me almost a full year, but like all good things it came to an end when a customer mistook a 1394 firewire motherboard standoff for that of a USB Stand off which incidentally fried sparks v2.0 and v3.0 leaving me with Sparks v4.0... And so it stands.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Backlog pt2
So to kick things off, ive sorta been keeping an informal notepad blog offline since i got this idea, and just didnt have the official blog up. ill just post the old ones to give you a taste to what youll be seeing in the future.
5/18/09
~11:00 roughly
a woman comes in with a return work. she claims that we did not do any of the things it was originally brought in for. she snappily whips out a paper with notes on it, which she throws in my face. first of all, i dont even know which work order this is from, as i did not work on it, and she already has an attitude. i have a hard time reading her handwriting and she proclaims that "it isnt THAT bad" and cant understand why i cant make it out. she sighs heavily and proceeds to fire off one problem after another from the list. i decide to plug it in to find out whats what. our boss hears the commotion and decides to help me out.
she claims the CD drives do not work, the web cam is not installed, the fax does not work, and that media center should be maximized when they log into windows. i mentally facepalm because her husband was quite the sarcastic prick when he came in as well, and i was not enjoying our little dialoge this early in the morning. my boss and i have her go though the list again, trying to get her to slow down. when we ask her a question about something to clarify, she gets snoody with both of us. "WHAT is so difficult about this!? i just dont understand! why couldnt this be taken care of in the first place!" after she leaves, and get a chance to auctually look at the computer, it appears that all of those things HAD been taken care of. the webcam worked fine, the CD drives read ok, roxio was installed (i have no idea why however) and maximizing media center was literally a one click endevor.
5/6/09
1:10
tested a wireless keyboard/mouse combo.
"this keybaord seems to be working fine. yes, i do belive it worksing wonderfully. how queer that i seem to be monloguing about hardware that im currently using. i do say! now, how ever will i be able to see text from my screen!?!?!?!?sldfdf;skdf;lksdssdklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklk
cfgrtfrfffftfgfftfgtfgtfggfgfgfgsxddssd
wonderful!"
as you can see i wheeled across the room to see the range on it. after 10ft i was unable to see the screen anymore.
11:52 am
british guy calls in asking about a square looking DVI port. i inform him that is dells propitary dvi port, connectpro i think, which only they sell and is probably expensive. "oh... bollocks"
ken quote of the day: "its like stabbin a horse in the back"
random quote: (two black guys "are you serious?!" "as a heart attack...")
5/4/09
black guy with sunglasses, and oversized black shirt that states "i heart boobs" in huge white font. hard to understand slang but nice and wants his computer checked out. see subnormality comic about "wizards and shiiiit".
boomer comes in, literally. gurgling and with food in the corners of his mouth. wants to start a music buisness with his 5yr old dell crapbox. hes got "hundreds of CDs from the 80s and 90s, from when we [points to me] were in school" while im typing up the work order i thought i would be puked on and swarmed by zombies. i just heard heavy wheezing and gas bubbling up from his gullet.
random of the day: ippibala
ken quote of the day: "well ill be dipped in shit!"
5/18/09
~11:00 roughly
a woman comes in with a return work. she claims that we did not do any of the things it was originally brought in for. she snappily whips out a paper with notes on it, which she throws in my face. first of all, i dont even know which work order this is from, as i did not work on it, and she already has an attitude. i have a hard time reading her handwriting and she proclaims that "it isnt THAT bad" and cant understand why i cant make it out. she sighs heavily and proceeds to fire off one problem after another from the list. i decide to plug it in to find out whats what. our boss hears the commotion and decides to help me out.
she claims the CD drives do not work, the web cam is not installed, the fax does not work, and that media center should be maximized when they log into windows. i mentally facepalm because her husband was quite the sarcastic prick when he came in as well, and i was not enjoying our little dialoge this early in the morning. my boss and i have her go though the list again, trying to get her to slow down. when we ask her a question about something to clarify, she gets snoody with both of us. "WHAT is so difficult about this!? i just dont understand! why couldnt this be taken care of in the first place!" after she leaves, and get a chance to auctually look at the computer, it appears that all of those things HAD been taken care of. the webcam worked fine, the CD drives read ok, roxio was installed (i have no idea why however) and maximizing media center was literally a one click endevor.
5/6/09
1:10
tested a wireless keyboard/mouse combo.
"this keybaord seems to be working fine. yes, i do belive it worksing wonderfully. how queer that i seem to be monloguing about hardware that im currently using. i do say! now, how ever will i be able to see text from my screen!?!?!?!?sldfdf;skdf;lksdssdklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklklk
cfgrtfrfffftfgfftfgtfgtfggfgfgfgsxddssd
wonderful!"
as you can see i wheeled across the room to see the range on it. after 10ft i was unable to see the screen anymore.
11:52 am
british guy calls in asking about a square looking DVI port. i inform him that is dells propitary dvi port, connectpro i think, which only they sell and is probably expensive. "oh... bollocks"
ken quote of the day: "its like stabbin a horse in the back"
random quote: (two black guys "are you serious?!" "as a heart attack...")
5/4/09
black guy with sunglasses, and oversized black shirt that states "i heart boobs" in huge white font. hard to understand slang but nice and wants his computer checked out. see subnormality comic about "wizards and shiiiit".
boomer comes in, literally. gurgling and with food in the corners of his mouth. wants to start a music buisness with his 5yr old dell crapbox. hes got "hundreds of CDs from the 80s and 90s, from when we [points to me] were in school" while im typing up the work order i thought i would be puked on and swarmed by zombies. i just heard heavy wheezing and gas bubbling up from his gullet.
random of the day: ippibala
ken quote of the day: "well ill be dipped in shit!"
Backlog
Ive decided to create this blog because, frankly, the customers that we deal with are just too hilarious to keep a secret. Let me start with a prologue:
I work at a computer repair store in Grand Rapids, Michigan. We have a little local store that carries some various computer hardware, but we primarily do repair service. We can fix everything from your everyday viruses all the way over to d/c jack repair on laptops. Im not usually one to brag, but i strongly believe we are the best around when it comes to price, time, and personality. We constantly get people who are referred to us by friends and competitors (mostly BestBuy, we're always cleaning up after Geeksquad).
But the best stories... well they come from problems you wouldn't really expect. Such as the time i spent half an hour on the phone with a customer only to find out his "error" was that he had forgotten his password. So i bring you: Chronicles of a Service Technician.
This blog will be updated by myself and coworkers, hopefully daily and possibly hourly, with play by plays on the really memorable people that come in. Names will be changed to protect the stupid, unless they are really really mean however.
I work at a computer repair store in Grand Rapids, Michigan. We have a little local store that carries some various computer hardware, but we primarily do repair service. We can fix everything from your everyday viruses all the way over to d/c jack repair on laptops. Im not usually one to brag, but i strongly believe we are the best around when it comes to price, time, and personality. We constantly get people who are referred to us by friends and competitors (mostly BestBuy, we're always cleaning up after Geeksquad).
But the best stories... well they come from problems you wouldn't really expect. Such as the time i spent half an hour on the phone with a customer only to find out his "error" was that he had forgotten his password. So i bring you: Chronicles of a Service Technician.
This blog will be updated by myself and coworkers, hopefully daily and possibly hourly, with play by plays on the really memorable people that come in. Names will be changed to protect the stupid, unless they are really really mean however.
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